Everyone has an addiction. We all find that our desires sometimes get the better of us and we can’t control ourselves. This is when we need someone to help us with this control. I like to think of myself in these terms, as an addict. Granted that’s not normally how people want to be seen, drug addicts pretend they don’t need them to function.
They say that it’s a choice and not something they need. That they can stop anytime and won’t ever use again because they are in control of it, but they aren’t, not really. That’s why I understand them.
I’ve even been to meetings of drug users and I fit right in because I know what it’s like to need. To need so badly that you will give anything to have your drug. To get that one thing that will make you feel alive and real and like the world is spinning on its axis in the right direction.
My drug of choice is erotic humiliation. Yes, humiliation. It’s not a substance or something I have to get a dealer to supply to me but it can be just as elusive maybe even more so. Well until I met my Mistress that is, now humiliation is readily available and I’m happy to get it. She has no problem humiliating me to the depths I desire, using it like a drug that makes me higher and higher.
But before I found her, I was like any other addict thinking only of the next time I could get my fix. I’d troll the streets hoping for someone to humiliate me. Sometimes I’d try to think of ways to humiliate myself, but that just never really worked out the same. Not for lack of trying.
The first time I realized I was addicted was after a humiliating vacation with a group of friends. We hit a Florida beach on the prowl for hot babes to have fun with and before I knew it we were chatting up a group of women in bikinis and I was loving all the attention. We all hung out for a while and the girls seemed interested. So much so that I got brave and told one I’d been hard since I met her.
She laughed and whispered to her friend who turned to me and said, “Let’s see”. I declined, I mean we weren’t in a completely private place yet and I didn’t want to get arrested or something. They continued teasing me and one even flashed me her breasts. By then I was so excited I wasn’t thinking all that clearly and dropped my swimming trunks. They giggled and ooo’d and ahhh’d encouraging me to take them all the way off and even stroke.
This was getting fun and I wasn’t thinking about where my friends were or what they were doing until I heard laughter and snickering behind me. Spinning around, totally naked I saw them all standing there where they and a multitude of others had apparently been the whole time, watching me humiliate myself publicly.
I was humiliated and pretended, like any other addict caught in the midst of using, that I was pissed and stormed off. I’d barely gotten around the corner when I came so hard I couldn’t believe it. That’s when I was hooked. I didn’t know it then, but I would never get as excited without humiliation again.
This is how it is when your drug of choice is humiliation. You need it and soon you will do anything at all to have it. Anything, even try to get girlfriends who have no interest in humiliation to help you out.
That didn’t work, but one did flippantly tell me I needed help and then said, that I didn’t need a therapist, I needed a Mistress! She was right! I found my beautiful Mistress only a few days after that and she is the best thing to ever happen to me. She doesn’t let me just have my dose of humiliation. Oh no, I have to work for it, beg for it and wait for it. She says I’m building character.
I don’t know if I’d call it that. Because all that happens when she makes me wait is that I get so desperate for humiliation I’ll do anything and everything she suggests without hesitation. Personally, I think she does it on purpose to hear me beg for the humiliation I crave. And beg I do.
Even as she is laughing at me and calling in her friends to see the new outfit she’s put me in or watch my new “trick”, I know I need it and the desire for humiliation, my drug of choice, keeps me coming back again and again for more.
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